“there are all kinds in God’s pocket.” that’s what my mom always used to say. i find it to be one of the most true statements about having children. most people, when they start trying to get pregnant, dream about having the perfect child. one who is bright, well mannered, good looking and kind. i admit that i am one of those people.
when i first got pregnant in 2006, i had such grand ideas of what motherhood was going to be like. i would have an easy pregnancy, give birth naturally, and have a beautiful baby . . . girl, hopefully. two of these things came true. (i ended up getting the epidural in conjunction with my first c-section.) i was so excited to have a little girl . . . one that i could dress up in cute clothes and paint nails with . . . one that would have dance recitals and tea parties that i could attend. it was going to be magical but it didn’t exactly happen for me.
God had a different plan for her . . . and me.
“there are all kinds in God’s pocket.” some that are princesses and some that are tomboys. some that love doll babies and some that love blocks. some that are quiet and demure and some that are loud and bold. He always has the perfect one picked specifically for you, though it sometimes is hard to accept.
there is so much to my eldest, lily. confident. creative. bold. and extremely loud. the latter being overwhelming at times. i swear that lily has no concept of volume control. even around her sleeping baby sister she is so. darn. loud. i find myself saying “shhhh” more than anything else these days which annoys me to no end. why can’t she just be quiet? why must she always talk so loud when we’re in the same room or car? why God, when you created her did you make her this way?
a few months ago i sat with my friend, andrea, at a local coffee shop discussing this very thing. i was lamenting to her about how hard my life was with lily at times. i was very pregnant and weary from so many life changes that were happening all at the same time. (a new house, a new baby, etc.) i was struggling to handle her at home and she was struggling to sit still and be focused at school. it seemed like nothing was going well and that there was no end in sight. lily was so different from every other little girl that i knew both at church and in her class at school. i was really having a hard time accepting and cherishing who she was.
after talking about her for some time andrea said something powerful to me that i will never forget. she told me that God made lily exactly as He needed her to be to bring glory to Him. w o w. i couldn’t believe that i had never thought of it that way before. i mean, i knew that God doesn’t make mistakes but i hadn’t been able to look at the big picture until that point. andrea continued to tell me that God gives us traits because we are going to need them in the future. she said that there was a bigger reason that lily was such a loud girl than i could currently see or understand. lily was given boldness and fearlessness because God knows that in the future He will use girls like her to better His kingdom. she told me that we have no idea what lily will become but that she very well could use her loudness to reach people for Him.
who knows what she will do! she is bold enough to lead an army. she is tough enough to be a corrections officer. she is confident enough to go out into the mission field. and loud enough to preach to the masses about her God!
as i sit here writing this the day is drawing to a close. she is outside happily playing with her brother and her doggies . . . and is screaming her head off. i am resisting the urge to yell for her to quiet down for what seems like the hundredth time today, and instead find myself praying. i am asking God for patience for the moment while at the same time i am praying that the end result will be her using this voice for His glory. i pray that this extremely loud little girl continues to fearlessly love. that she might use her voice to proclaim the good news to all who she encounters and to speak against evil.
Shout for joy, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! - Zephaniah 3:14