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not exactly a dance recital . . . but even better!

eight years ago, sitting in a waiting room at the doctor’s office, tom and i had just been told the news that our first child was going to be a little girl.  this exchange happened . . .

tom:  well, you know what this means, right?

me:  what is that?

tom:  dance recitals.

i was overjoyed at this thought as i remembered back at how excited i was as a little girl to perform at my own dance recitals for my family.  in my mind i had visions of pigtails and tea parties . . . of pierced ears and twirly dresses.  i had even picked out the most delicate name for her . . . lily.

when lily was born there was an instant falling in love that was so deep that i literally felt as if my heart was going to burst into a million pieces.  she was an unplanned c-section and though i didn’t have the pleasure? of pushing her out, it was a wonderful experience in that operating room and was an absolute joyous occasion.  i will never forget the look on tom’s face as we heard her cry for the first time and big tears filled both of our eyes.  she had finally arrived.  the little girl that we had been planning and praying for.

fast forward eight years . . .

this past saturday, i was sitting at a skateboard park with my family as we watched lily warming up for her first skate competition.  i looked on as she waited patiently for her turn on each ramp and made sure to give her my attention every time she yelled for me to watch.  she was by far the youngest person at the park.  she was also the only girl.  i couldn’t have been more proud.

it was finally her turn to compete and i watched as she masterfully balanced her board at the edge of the ramp.  after dropping in, i could hardly breathe for the thirty seconds she was on the ramp . . . doing kick turns and rock to fakies as if it was a natural thing to do.  there was my sweet little lily, my brave daughter, the only girl in the competition . . . so full of confidence and willing to put herself out there and be different from all the other little girls.  i was beaming. in a million years i never would have thought that the first thing i would be attending of hers would be a skateboard competition . . . but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

lily tells me that when she grows up she would like to be a missionary who takes skateboards to kids in other countries and tells them about Jesus. i have no doubt that this can happen.  God has designed her to be bold.  He intended for her to be exactly as she is.  i like to think that He was just as proud of me as i was of her on that day.  it has taken me a long time to get to where i am with her . . . to honor who she is instead of mourning who she is not . . . to let go of my preconceived ideas of what having a daughter should look like.  she is beautifully and wonderfully made . . . by a Father that loves her even more than I do.  i can’t wait to see how her story plays out.  i am so glad i get to go along for the ride!

lily skateboard competition

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in a few short hours . . .

as you will probably notice, there hasn’t been an update to this blog since this past april.  it’s not that i’m even writing them for the the masses to read anyway really . . . but i merely do this for myself, my own memories, and for my family (especially my kids) to read and reflect on someday.

a lot has happened in our family’s little world and perhaps the biggest change will be happening today.  since april, we have finished building our home and have moved not one, but two houses worth of belongings to it.  moving trucks from orlando and cincinnati brought all of our family treasures and furniture to fill up one lovely home and give us a new start as a family.  also, my parent’s (christy’s) have basically moved to florida to be snowbirds and live in the guest house.  finally, and most importantly, God decided to bless us with another pregnancy resulting in today’s major change in our family.

i really haven’t felt like writing until today about my feelings on having another child, etc.  i’ve been extremely busy, and to be perfectly candid, didn’t exactly have the motivation because this pregnancy was unplanned and completely unexpected.  truthfully, i had a real hard time in accepting that we will be starting all over again.  all of the things i did with the first two pregnancies have fallen by the wayside this time around.  i’m trying not to beat myself up about it and am already hoping/praying that this child will forgive me for it someday.

today, at 4:30pm, tom and i will be in the hospital adding a sweet new baby girl to our family.  as the time ticks away i am feeling more and more anxious for how things are going to be.  in the past, i have been very honest as to why i didn’t want more kids.  lily is so unique and has such energy that at times she can be like two kids in one!  gus is so laid back and easy to get along with and is content just quietly playing by himself.  my kids are great.  we felt complete . . . but God knew otherwise.

i have moments when i feel completely at peace with this change and then the doubt creeps in . . . i hear a voice telling me that i already suck at mothering the two that i have and that this is just one more child i am going to screw up . . . it tells me that i am not going to be able to nurse (again) . . . that i am a failure because of it . . . that i will have postpartum depression again . . . that this c-section/recovery is going to be worse because i’m older now and already have two kids to run after . . . etc. etc. etc.

i have to combat these thoughts and feelings with truth and trust that God is greater and knows better.  i have to keep reminding myself that these are just lies Lies LIES that the devil wants me to believe so that i feel weak and uneasy.  but truthfully, even though i know this already, i often find myself giving into it.

today i am claiming Psalm 27:1 for myself and this situation . . .

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

God has a mighty plan for this little girl and has entrusted me to teach her to trust Him and to follow His path.  I’m going to just have to trust that He will guide me as i do it and that things will turn out alright.

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out of the mouths of babes . . .

poor lily.  she seems to have inherited my propensity to having the hiccups.  she’s now having them for the fourth time in the past 24 hours! 

 

lily:  mom, how do you write “go away, hiccups.  i hate you?”

mom:  oh, lily, i’m sorry you have the hiccups again.  that must really bother you.

lily:  i’m going to send it up to God and tell him that i hate hiccups and to make them stop!

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out of the mouths of babes . . .

Image

 

last night while on our way to publix lily asked if we could get a cart that she and gus could “drive”.  i told her that we could if one was available.  then i heard this little prayer from the backseat of the van.

lily:  dear Jesus, please let there be a car so that we can drive it.  it will be so much fun!  amen.

after we arrived, indeed there was a car cart available, and when she saw it she began praising God in the middle of the parking lot.

lily:  yes!  oh Lord, thanks for answering my prayer.  oh God of mercy and love!  woo hoo!

 

i love that girl and her sweet little heart.  she is so much fun!

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family reunion

i love my family.  i’m lucky . . . and i know it.  recently we all came together to spend a weekend of fun.  it’s sweet how we all range from age one to eighty nine, yet we get along and can appreciate our differences.  i cherish these times together and look forward to when we can all be together again.

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one of my favorites

i have frequented olliegraphic’s website for a long time now and was really excited to finally have a reason to order something.  we used meg’s (the owner) super cute design for gus’ first birthday party invitation.

(private info omitted, obviously!)

anyway, imagine how happy i was to see that there was going to be a giveaway from one of my favorites!!  you can check it out at alamodemaven.com for a chance to win yourself … or go to olliegraphic.com and order directly from meg.  she does excellent work and it’s worth it if you like customized things for your littles!!

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parenting fail!

so the last time i did a real blog post (not just a photo recap) i wrote about our family’s no scare policy.  please keep that in mind as you read the story below!

on sunday afternoon, the boys were resting while lily and i were downstairs reading books and hanging out.  needing to talk to tom, i put on a show from our dvr for lily to watch.  i told her that i needed to talk to daddy and that i’d come back down in a short while.

(and please know . . . we were actually talking. get your minds out of the gutter, people!)

in the middle of our discussion, lily comes into our room and starts telling us about a dog that had died, someone had a gun, etc.  i’m embarrassed to admit that these are normal topics of conversation for her.  she loves to pretend she has guns . . . and loves all of the “bad people”.  currently she is obsessed with the movie Tangled . . . but not with Rapunzel, rather Mother Gothel (or Mudder Goggle, as lil calls her!).  anyway, when she came into our room going on and on like this, we quickly dismissed it and her, and said we would be finished talking soon, etc.  this seemed ok to her because at least 5 or 10 minutes went by before she came back again.  you guessed it, only for us to poo poo what she was talking about and send her away again.  finally, she came back in the room saying, “mom, you’ve got to come here.  follow me.  there is a really scary man.  you’ve got to see him.”  so i quickly follow her out of the room and as i am following her downstairs i hear it.  i was horrified at what she had been watching and couldn’t get down the stairs fast enough to change the channel.  her video had been over leaving the last channel watched to come back on the screen.  poor lily had been watching . . .

I AM LEGEND!

u g h.  absolute parenting fail.  surprisingly enough she has not mentioned it one time.  she hasn’t had any bad dreams either.  hopefully, she’ll never remember anything about it!

so the lesson learned is . . . not just be careful what you leave up on the tv, but also listen to your kids no matter how crazy their talking may be!

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