the days of being a family of only three are quickly coming to a close, and i’m kind of mourning it. any of you parents of two out there know where i’m coming from? don’t get me wrong, i’m so excited to meet this little guy who has been keeping me up at night, who knows just the right place to kick, or tickle me in the ribs! i can’t wait to hold him next to my chest and feel his sweet breath on my skin when he sleeps, or to see the look on tom’s face the first time we hear him cry (thinking back to the moment lily was born . . . still one of the most precious moments of my life so far). i know that there will be many wonderful things to come, yet i can’t help but be a little sad at the same time.
i finally feel like i’m getting the hang of my life as a mama . . . of one. now i’m going back to square one . . . but this time with two. how will i have enough energy to give lily the love and attention she deserves? how can i do this for gus? i know that i’m not alone in these feelings. most of my friends with multiple kids have been in this same situation and have dealt with the same gut wrenching feelings. i know that i’m not unique. yet i’m feeling so isolated these days as his birth draws nearer.
i look at lily and think that her sweet little life is about to change . . . dramatically. believe me, i never wanted an only child. i knew that there would come a time when we would add another member to our family. it’s time. however, i worry that it will somehow alter her personality. (kind of like how polly became a little overshadowed when we added franklin . . . i know, i know, they are just dogs, but hang in there with me.) i know that it will become a new kind of “normal” for all of us. that eventually we will not pine away for the days when it was just the three of us, because gus will have brought something new and special to our lives that only he could. but even with knowing this, i’m still sad and a little scared.
anyway, these are just some of my random musings at 4:30 in the morning, as i sit on my couch, surrounded by pillows, unable to sleep. oh the joys of the final weeks of pregnancy!